He called three times in a row cause Mr. 2 reasons; one is the corporation thing, another they constitute 9% of the population (the whole Cluster B in DSM is a psychopathic cluster). Only 6 weeks after his move, then only responded by text for 4 months, never spoke to me about breaking up, then posted a pic of him and new GF on FB and never texted or spoke to me again. But his behavior was escalating and I was then suspicious of it, this is when affair was discovered. Not fighting. However she had a mean streak in her. Any person who has the ability to bring you so low that you cant get out of bed to care for your children is a CANCER. She brought it up, and seemed happy that she was going to be sending me half of it. DONT FALL FOR IT! He made all my needs his priority. Telling them they are a Narc does nothing but enrage them. See, before he went to my landladys house, he didnt really know I was purposely in no contact mode. Get When Love Is a Lie - $5.99. Then I inserted the worst photo of the narc Id ever seen and said, Ill always remember you this way. Im sure this has been a tough time for you, and it has been for me as well. He plays chess with people. So, Im curious if the things I said hit home and he is just too proud to admit that Im right. That did the trick with my ex. Instead, refer them to a counselor, and keep it moving. He initially said he wanted a divorce, I said fine but your gonna pay (married 20 years yeah I know pretty stupid) and so we never split up. The new supply doesnt know the narcissists agenda and will go along with whatever the narcissist asks of them. You are his trophy, you are perfect (at least at the beginning) and all the focus should be on him anyways. Why so long?? She often would talk me up and compliment me more than usual after we would reconnect following a period of no contact as if it were her way of apologizing. Ive supported her through so much, mentally, emotionally, financially and she doesnt seem to remember any of it. The next day, Sunday, Im sitting on my laptop with my phone on the arm of my chair and it goes off; I look at itits the ex. []. He is very educated and charming (a playwright). Because now i have nothing anymore. Talk about great timing like having you visit to answer my questions and fears One wonders too how this fresh start would manifest for his little group of facilitating sidekicks maybe 4 or 5 other people who have acted more or less abusively in tandem with the narcissist would the fresh start to be exclusively with the narcissist or with this whole team is his offer the result of some consensus between these people that they all agree they have acted abusively and they are somehow sorry and wish to help repair the damage. When I say Im in love with you, I love not being alone. I havent said anything to her because i dont want to come off as paranoid, but I dont want her to have to go thru what I did either. all of the way its expressed and conveying true meaning of this relationship dynamic. Bruce, quite an interesting story. Thank you. A real narc may [emailprotected]** admit their fault, practically in the same breath taking back any, (or placing all the blame on nouns outside of him/herself) responsibility for the dysfunction in the relationship. Keep preaching it my friend!!! However, I cant and wont tolerate slanderous accusations, blaming and unnecessary and constant fault finding/criticism. Breaking free from her was a relief and the day she died, I felt nothing at all I wasnt relieved, I wasnt sad. part of me doesnt want to do that because i want to see him coming in the event he tries something. My ex was a fullfledged NARC to the tee. He said no I came to kill you, I was like what? He could be very supportive and I joked that he was a woman whisperer a kind of guy that there was some reciprocity there he could listen just as well as he would talk. I filed police report the day I kicked him out. "There's something quite narcissistic in thinking that the world cares," Kenny says. I had to go back into the house to get some other items and took them out to him. Im so sorry to say this to u because I know how u feel. Believe me! I have no interest. Its normal if youve been in a relationship with a narcissist or a psychopath to try to read the signs and figure out how to know if a narcissist is finished with you. Relationships with narcissists have a cycle to them that plays out again and again. Thanks a lot! How will he react to me leaving the triangle?? I honestly dont think I can be sucked in again romantically. I just want what is best for both of us, and at this point, I believe time apart is what is best. And all the good times we had, because he did treat me very well (u can read my her posts). I still care for him and he does actually try to be a good friend ie if I have a problem etc. I cant stand it if he does not misses me. Anyhow, I have heard others say that the way to get them to Devalue and Discard you for good is to call them out on their behavior and who they are. Ive come to accept he will neve change and that he will never ever come back to me ( not even to apologize for the hell hes making me go throught and affecting our son too). He shared school supplies and candy with me. In response to Jills comment, Oct 10 at 9:31 PM, Jill, there was something broken in them that we wanted to try and heal or at least help them through. I needed support for the situation with my mother. There were a couple of woman that would come in and out of is life as a close friend to him. Looking back at my relationship with the N, I realized there were red flags from the beginning. Wow this letter sounds like my soon to be X, Kevin! If you can't beat them join them. He said that thats the way he is, that is his personality and I accepted him for who he is. Will she change her mind and get in touch with me? Only those who have been there can understand, even among the professional therapists. Others who actually saw things go down actually stepped up to say what happened. He then sulked and went silent and told me I was making a big mistake. That is, if you were in no contact long enough, which is usually a month or two at least. Omg, we must be the same person because Im mean, Im so mean to him, I treat him like a dog, and I also needed to grow up, this is real life ..not a game he tells me. To call me when i am with my very sick mother and only shouting how many problems HE has so that all the attention and talk about HIM. I have blocked him from all my social media profiles but Im extremely wary as to what he is saying to people in general but more specifically to people in my industry. This man bullied me while I was pregnant to the point of me vomiting and having massive panic attacks, breathing into paper bags and begging God to end my life. i dont know how you maintain limited contact with him. I just think he knows everything I do for him and no one else will be that way what do you think. Think about that for a moment. And they then have the audacity to comment that you have caused irreparable damage during the relationship! And while he may be deeply flawed, I believe he loves me, or tried to love me as best as he could. Excellent post. I also ensured there my ex-narcissist would ever contact me again when I removed his mask and caused a major narcissistic injury. Well, I have been no contact now for over 6 months with the occasional letter concerning our daughter. Same thing moved in and almost immediate the Narc mask started slipping. And a view days later he says it dont feel good you go look for an other man. I think that hit a nerve. And finally, I was stupid enough to let her borrow $3,000 to help her pay off her automobile. He studied at the University of Amsterdam and has a bachelor's in Clinical Psychology. He looked hurt but Im glad I was able to say that to him because it provided closure for me. Lies, lies, lies.. And sex halted to once a month. I have learned SO much. Did the narcissist leave you for a new love and is now having second thoughts? And since we know they dont take responsibility for sh*t, dont hold your breath. More pain will come to you. Now, I dont know if that unhappy look was due to the way I lookedlike he might have been thinking..damn! Liberating to a degree. The narcissist will try and convince you that theres something wrong with you for not staying friends. He liked every thing I liked. There is Always some way to give a sign of living. Manipulative probably but still Mine knows for sure his behavior isnt normal but he feels people should accept him as he has good qualities like generosity and humor. They rarely let their mask slip completely. So dont be too hard on yourself. If you were in MA, Id buy you a coffee and give you some mothering advice, LOL. My tumors are back, and there are more than before. I have been on and off with my ex for 5 years. But he did not react. There are things in you that have become a part of me in some way things that fill a void that had been around for a while regardless of who I was or wasnt dating, things that make me incredibly happy and incredibly confused, things that make me alive. I mean thousands of dollars. I think this time finally he gets it. Still, my perception is she is NPD, and btw, just like in your situation, her last move happened when I expressed: I wish you could be tested for NPD. So i was writing everything down only to read back a whole lot of beginnings with the beginnings of another event as the ending! But once the narcissist gets you into bed, theyll ghost you which will reintroduce you to the same cycle of narcissistic abuse youve just escaped. I told him that I was sick. Mine caused me two years of terror before divorcing me. We are left with nothing !!.. Or even worse, that I will reflect that in a way other people around us will notice instead of playing along with the smoke and mirrors routine we used to do together. That is the thanks I get for caring. Acting as if we are barely acquaintances. He ever felt down, I was there to encourage him, to give him the confidence to do whatever it is he wanted. So, back in January my best friend and I were inseparable and she was always at my house or is there. Ps..Even when I told him not to contact me again, my heart was breaking because even tho it was the right thing to do, it was hard to sever the connection for good. Does it transfer to the OW? I knew I loved this person and I felt deep in my heart his sadness and loneliness (so was my understanding.) Such a saint of a man, right? Because narcissists only connect with people who provide narcissistic supply. Here are three tricks that the abuser will try: 1. Thankfully my friends noticed her awkward behavior and helped me put the puzzle together. You can find more of his work here on WordPress, at thoughtcatalog.com. Funny thing is Eden, she says oh he is happy now, blah blah, and she told me the reason he could not get it up is because he stopped liking me as a person. I take responsibility of this mess, as I should have understood my actions and those of my wife. At times, at school, the feelings that I had for you were very new and somewhat overwhelming I almost didnt believe them. I will never see my loving daughter again from this mess, as she is studying in France. No one mention Narissism. Hi Jan, thanks for sharing your experience. Through talking with friends and learning about the situation i am in, i believe i will and can brave the storm. But because of al my reading and study this sites and now for the first time have someone talking back at me Eden, i feel supported. The problem is that it can get synced up with the narcissistic abuse cycle so that the level of dopamine in the brain drops when we are not in contact with the narcissist. What she did do was lie, manipulate, triangulate relationships, curt me off a handful of times, etc. I dont know enough about borderlines but they do say narcissists usually have something else with their disorder ie sociopath narcissist, sex addict narcissist..maybe he is a borderline narcissist. If only it were easier to spot them immediately! lol If I had replied to the song he would have been excited and asked for a call. There was a place that was open and never seemed to be fulfilled before but youre doing a great job of filling it. We had some good times together. Certainly dont miss the drama. Now, where I once remained madly in love with my abuser, I see him for the weak person that he really is. Doing my research I found him on numerous dating sites. If your ex unblocked you but hasn't reached out, it's safe to say that your ex has processed the initial stages of a breakup. When they try to come back onto the scene after a long stretch of silence, they have been scheming. Told him he was a liar, manipulator, attention seeking narcissist. Also, my husbands girlfriend was beaten very badly by her alcoholic ex and she has a special needs child. Now because i feel humiliated i send three long emails to him. Thank You for posting this narcisistic love letter I had prior knowledge from reading self help books and therapy for the abuse myself. The proof is in the pudding. When I was told ten years ago I had brain tumor over the phone I was on my way to therapy. From that point on things seemed to degrade (i.e. The only difference is theyll resort to telling you that your weaknesses are the reasons why youll never find anyone to love you as much as them. Thats my new motto Life begins after No Contact You can do this. I told her it is what it is At one point I decided to do a little test. They have gained absolutely nothing by doing this to us She doesnt even bother with the dog anymore, which is why I think shes gone for good this time. Who the hell knows. The narcissistic sociopathic traits are from genetic factors, as I never was devoid of attention, had a happy life, and no trauma. Sometimes I feel really light when I remember I am free from all the bullshit. 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